When Attachment Hurts, Detachment Helps
Do not claim flowers, do not fight with thorns, simply become water and move gracefully to your next destination.
In our lives, we build many sweet memories. These memories often stem from friendships or connections we form and the experiences we share with people at schools, universities, common places, and other institutions. We create closeness and liking with the buildings and places where we spend much of our time, such as our homes, streets, classrooms, libraries, and playgrounds, cities, etc.
As we enter the workforce, we create memories at our jobs. We form bonds with colleagues, neighbours, friends, and the places we visit for vacations or other cherished spots in nature. These experiences become ingrained in our hearts and minds, forming a tapestry of fond memories that we carry with us.
Building these memories is wonderful; they feel so beautiful and enriching. They add depth and meaning to our lives, filling us with joy and a sense of belonging. However, over time, these memories can also become burdensome and sometimes painful, especially when circumstances force us to leave or move elsewhere or our situations in our life change. The transition can be difficult and emotionally taxing.
When you miss those people or places, it is a natural response to the changes happening in your life. Missing a fond memory isn't a negative thing; it signifies the value and importance of those moments. I miss people or places too, but it's essential to understand that building very strong attachments can sometimes hinder your ability to experience joy in the present.
Those attachments can pull you down, making it difficult to move forward. Instead, continue thinking of those things, people, and memories you experienced in the past. Cherish or appreciate them for what they were, which is wonderful, but remember to learn detachment to find fulfilling joy in your life now. Focus on your growth and be happy in the present moment with the people and things you currently have around you. Detachment does not mean a lack of concern or care about others; rather, it is about finding a balance where one can care without becoming overwhelmed.
However, it is also inherent in our nature to build attachments. After all, we are humans, full of emotions and sentiments. We like to create connections and then take them to the next level, forming strong attachments. There is nothing wrong with that. After all, we are social creatures. The important part is how to manage your emotions and take care of yourself when that thing, place, or person you are attached to stops being in your life.
I built an attachment with my cabin in the Yukon. It was my sanctuary, a place to take a break from the world, to dance, meditate, make videos, create bonfires, and invite friends for outdoor gatherings. Many tourists to the Yukon would come to visit and see the cabin. Despite that attachment, I knew it was not mine forever. I knew that one day I would have to leave. That day came in June 2024, when I decided to move on and leave my comfort, my sanctuary, and the place I loved most.
When I was packing my things, I felt emotional, but I reminded myself that nothing is permanent. I decided I wouldn't cry or shed any tears when I left. I would say thank you and then just leave. The time arrived, and I was ready to go. All my things were moved to storage, and it was my last trip to the place I loved most to collect the remaining items. When I was leaving, I knew it was my last visit, the last time to see the place. I felt something growing in my heart—plants of emotions. Yes, I shed one tear when I turned my head one last time to see the place, then stopped looking and sat in my van.
I started driving to my next destination. I took one last deep breath and decided to look into the big universe, something bigger than my thoughts, the other side of emotions that we humans sometimes overlook. I wanted to smile at that moment. Then I smiled because I followed the law of nature: nothing is yours, nothing is permanent. Always find joy in the present moment, detach from what was yours, give back to someone else, and flow like a river. After that, there was joy in my heart.
To bring you a healthy dose of joy, it's time to watch a joyful dance video. In 2022, I met highland dancer Paige LeClair in Saint John, New Brunswick. Set against the backdrop of the Atlantic ocean's grand tide near Saint John, we combined our dance styles to create something beautiful, meaningful, and joyful:
Past things like buildings, schools, workplaces, friendships, connections, and even many times relationships do not stay forever, and while they have shaped who you are and bring so much into your character, so value and respect them from your heart. However, they no longer exist in your current reality. Stay in the present, just like dogs, cats, or other animals; they enjoy the present moment without dwelling on the past. By staying present, you can find your joy because the past can't come back. It is a memory reel in your mind. Embrace the present and find your joy now, think that the universe has a bigger plan for you, bigger than you can see now, appreciating the beauty of each moment as it unfolds. Do not claim flowers, do not fight with thorns, simply become water and move gracefully to your next destination.
(If you can, write your thoughts in the comments below)
Gurdeep you are insightful and deliberate in your analogies. Your thoughts are powerful and helpful.
We tend to want to fix the world, our brain is always looking for ways to solve problems and sometimes it tries to create problems to solve. We need to ignore these thoughts so that we don’t spend all our lives moving backwards in time trying to understand the things that we may never understand or ever need to understand in order to find joy in our lives now.
When I look at nature in its glory I often try to become nature in that nature doesn’t worry or long for things that I might miss. Nature is naturally flowing it doesn’t care about tomorrow it’s constant in its ebb and flow. I want to be part of nature in its constant being, learning from it, evolving with it so I can embrace who I am and what is now.
Our emotions can drive us in circles always ending up in the same place. I’m not saying that having emotions is a bad thing however we can’t let our emotions control our decisions. After all our emotions are only real to the person that is experiencing them, to others it may seem that your reactions to your own emotions are unreasonable or strange in that others can never feel what you may be feeling at the moment.
Learning to be in the present is the only way to really escape the perpetual circle of regret, anger and longing that we may feel. We will never change the events and decisions of the past. We can never change the ideals of others. We can only change ourselves to become like nature because we are nature.
Thank you for the reminder. I had lost my job unexpectedly last week and it was tough because it was a really great place to work for and great colleagues. I had to really work hard not to get attached. I sent them a little thank you note to them for all of their guidance and am taking those lessons that I’ve learned and apply it to my next job.