Our Relationship with Sadness Runs Deeper Than We Realize

We come into this world with the capacity for sadness as part of our human nature, but finding joy requires conscious effort and dedication and learning to find how to co-exist with sadness.

Self-portrait in the pristine snowy wilderness of the Yukon, capturing the beauty of the vast landscape | Photo taken with tripod

Let me share something personal about my life journey. While many people know me as someone who is a 24/7 happy person, spreading joy wherever I go, the revelation beneath this exterior is more complex and nuanced. For a significant portion of my life, I've actually lived with profound sadness as my constant companion. From my childhood to growing up into adult life, I've witnessed and experienced an overwhelming amount of sadness, emotional pain, and heart-wrenching moments of despair in my life journey. Paradoxically, it was precisely this deep-seated sadness that ultimately propelled me forward on what would become an extraordinary quest for joy. My sadness had gradually pushed me down to such an unprecedented low point in my existence that actively pursuing joy became not just a choice, but my only viable path forward — it was, quite literally, my lifeline for survival when all other options had been exhausted.

When I deliberately embarked on this path toward joy, I discovered something transformative. As joy gradually began to heal my wounded spirit and lift me from the depths of that persistent sadness, I felt compelled to share my experiences with others. I wanted to offer my journey as a beacon of hope, allowing others who might be struggling to glean whatever insights they could from my personal transformation. My relationship with sadness isn't something that simply disappeared — it remains lifelong, though now it's one I understand better. Now I know better how not to be that much vulnerable to its presence.

I've always been rather guarded about my personal life, rarely opening up about my private experiences. By nature, I'm someone who carefully protects the fine details of my existence. Over the years, I've constructed boundaries around my personal world, constantly evaluating what to share and what to keep private. More often than not, I choose to keep these experiences close to my heart. Additionally, I've always been particularly mindful about protecting the privacy and confidentiality of those who have been part of my journey, recognizing that sharing my story inevitably means touching upon their lives as well, given how deeply interconnected our experiences have been. Perhaps someday, in ten, twenty, or even more years from now, when I finally feel ready to write my autobiography, circumstances might be different. I might find the courage to share more openly.

The degree to which sadness affects your life is intricately connected to your emotional sensitivity — each person experiences and processes these feelings in their own unique way.

Sadness manifests itself in countless ways — it can strike unexpectedly while walking through a park, when solitude suddenly transforms into loneliness, or in quiet moments when memories surface. Someone can feel utterly alone even in the company of their loved ones. It's remarkable how easily sadness can find its way into our hearts.

However, it's crucial to understand that sadness will be our eternal companion—its constant presence like an uninvited guest who repeatedly appears at our doorstep. How we choose to treat this companion determines the depth of our experience with sadness.

The pursuit of happiness, therefore, shouldn't focus on completely eliminating sadness — such an endeavour would be futile. We come into this world with the capacity for sadness as part of our human nature, but finding happiness requires conscious effort and dedication and learning to find how to co-exist with sadness.

The path of least resistance often leads to tears - it's far easier to succumb to sorrow than to find reasons to smile. Making our hearts vulnerable to pain and sentiment comes naturally, but cultivating genuine happiness demands more from us. So what should be our approach? How do we navigate this complex emotional landscape? The answer lies in learning to work with our sadness rather than against it. We need to acknowledge sadness as a necessary part of our emotional spectrum that actually enables us to fully appreciate and experience happiness. But this raises another question: how can we achieve this delicate balance?

The key to transforming our relationship with difficult emotions lies in our remarkable human capacity to shift and expand our perspective. When we find ourselves face-to-face with sadness, loneliness, or challenging circumstances, instead of instinctively viewing them as unwelcome threats to our emotional wellbeing, we can consciously choose to reframe them as integral and natural elements of our vast emotional landscape — elements that not only deserve their own space but also carry valuable lessons within them. This fundamental yet deeply transformative shift in perspective can make an extraordinary difference in how we experience and process our emotions. When tears begin to flow, rather than immediately resisting their presence or anxiously questioning why they've appeared, we can deliberately choose to view this vulnerable moment through a different lens entirely. Instead of falling into the familiar pattern of asking ourselves "Why am I crying?" — a question that often leads to self-judgment and resistance — we can gently transform the moment by embracing a more growth-oriented perspective: "Perhaps these tears are presenting me with a unique opportunity to grow stronger, to understand myself more deeply, and to ultimately shine even brighter through this experience."

Pain and sadness can also be understood through the metaphor of contrasting tastes in our life experiences. Just as the intensity of saltiness in food allows us to more deeply appreciate sweetness when it comes, our encounters with emotional pain enable us to recognize and cherish life's simple pleasures. Without experiencing sadness, we might overlook the everyday joys that surround us, constantly searching for happiness in unreachable places while missing the beauty that lies right at our feet. The difficult moments we endure serve as profound teachers, offering us a transformed perspective that helps us recognize joy in the most humble and ordinary experiences. When we acknowledge this truth, we can feel genuine gratitude for the hardships that have shaped our ability to perceive and appreciate joy in its most authentic forms. Here is a video I made in the wilderness of Yukon to bring you to a place of joy:

There's no need to stop being sad; rather, change your mindset from viewing sadness as an enemy to seeing it as a constant presence that can be embraced and integrated into our lives. This shift in perspective can help us better navigate the ups and downs of emotions with ease and stay gentle with our hearts rather than hurting them more.

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Dear reader,

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Cheerfully,

Gurdeep