Adults who experienced neglectful upbringings often grapple with complex emotional challenges. These may surface as unresolved traumas, difficulties in creating or maintaining social circles, etc.
Gurdeep as usual your eloquent representation and understanding of these matters move me to also reflect on my own experiences growing up.
As people we often carry our unresolved “baggage” with us for our entire lives, unwilling to relinquish them because it gives us a level of comfort, familiarity with these memories offer a way for us to not have to deal with them. It also makes us feel safe because we know what to expect from these memories in that acknowledgment and ultimately dealing with them is frightening.
I believe that people will gravitate towards what they know whether it is positive or negative to find a sense of security and solace. Unfortunately this stops us from ever finding true peace with our pasts or upbringing.
I tend to look at life as an experience of evolution, our own evolution as an individual, what I mean by this is that our experiences, good or bad are instrumental in our development as people. Our caregivers were also experiencing this evolution in their own way, dealing with their own “baggage” of unresolved issues perceived or otherwise.
I believe that part of moving forward and evolving as a person is to understand that the tools for this evolution may not have been available to our caregivers making them unaware of their affect on their children.
Moving forward is also dependent on understanding and forgiveness. Forgiveness unbridles us and relieves us of the responsibility that we may feel for the events of our upbringing. When we find forgiveness and are able to let go of fear, resentment and blame we will be able to carry on with our own journey of evolution, becoming better people, affecting others in a positive way that we meet along the way.
Hello Nick, thank you for providing such a comprehensive and thoughtful response. I sincerely appreciate the time and effort you've invested in sharing your insights. Your feedback resonates deeply with me, particularly your observation about the complexities faced by caregivers. Indeed, it's crucial to recognize that those in caregiving roles often navigate their own set of unique challenges. These individuals bring with them their personal histories, experiences, and, at times, unresolved issues or traumas. This acknowledgment adds an important layer of nuance to our understanding of childhood care and its long-term impacts. It reminds us that the dynamics of caregiving are rarely simple or one-dimensional, but rather a complex interplay of various factors and personal circumstances.
You are absolutely right. When I drove school bus, each student would get a good morning and a smile every morning no matter what. This might be the only time they would get one. We don't know what they have gone through at home the night before and that morning. I would find later that these students would open up to me about their homes and school .
situations. I was a stable ear . I never judged, just st listened. To this day I often wonder how these children who are now adults are coping. Expesially the ones who really needed help.
I read these reflections with eldercare in mind. My 95 year old special mom may not be needful in terms of development, and yet, who knows what her next journey will be. My wife and I are committing time to nurturing her aging soul in hopes that she will find peace in dying and we will find fulfillment in giving. Gurdeep's strategy applies to our task in so many ways. Using joy, hope, and positivity certainly is a powerful ally in life struggles (both the early and later years). I like to view curiosity as my friend as I prepare myself for my mother-in-law's big goodbye. I join Gurdeep in spirit as someone who shares thoughts, in hopes of inspiring the goodness in humankind.
Thank you, Mr. Thompson, for sharing such a heartfelt and inspiring reflection. Your approach to eldercare is truly beautiful and touching. The love, dedication, and positivity you and your wife are bringing to this challenging phase of life is admirable. Your perspective on using joy, hope, and curiosity as tools to navigate this journey is both wise and uplifting.
Your words serve as a reminder that at every stage of life, there is potential for growth, connection, and profound experiences. By sharing your thoughts, you are indeed inspiring goodness in others and demonstrating the transformative power of love and compassion. Thank you for this beautiful perspective on life, aging, and the enduring capacity of the human heart.
Thanks Gurdeep. How we become who we are is complex and early care has such a powerful role . . . the paths we see but can't seem to get to, the detours and bonus places we've spent in places we'd like to forget, the process of lingering just long enough to understand but not kick us out of experiencing the gift of the present. I'm beginning DBT therapy and your post acknowledges benefits of dialectic thinking. . . acknowledging the truth as difficult and emotion filled as it can be AND finding resilience, hope, and joy in the life you have found despite these things. Again, I appreciate the deeply human voice you share out into the world.
Thank you for this essay as it hits particularly close to home. Not with my family, but with my brother’s. Because of his wife having mental health issues, it’s fallen to my brother to be the main caregiver of their two children. While he does the best he can, and he adores the kids, there are definitely signs of issues that were highlighted in your essay. I’ll be saving this one. Much love and thanks.
Thank you for sharing such personal information about yourself. We are all closed books until we share part of ourselves with others. When we do it helps others to understand and appreciate us more as long as we are the kind of people who care. I had no idea that your early life was so difficult. It's funny how, when we don't know someone we assume their life must have been like ours or better. I see that you have had a longer and more challenging journey through your life than I have had. I consider myself very lucky in my life experience. My childhood wasn't perfect but I feel that I was loved and cared for and my parents did the best they could. I don't know why, in this life I've been so fortunate. I just hope it's not a rest and that my next life will be more difficult. Who knows. It's all about learning and growing spiritually. At least that's what I believe. It is so special encountering you online and getting inspiration and encouragement from someone like you. Thank you.
Thank you for your candid honesty and bravery in tackling a difficult subject. Many people struggle with the painful memories of a difficult childhood, myself included. I am having a difficult time working through it, and this article gives me concrete steps I can take to forgive myself and others.
Gurdeep as usual your eloquent representation and understanding of these matters move me to also reflect on my own experiences growing up.
As people we often carry our unresolved “baggage” with us for our entire lives, unwilling to relinquish them because it gives us a level of comfort, familiarity with these memories offer a way for us to not have to deal with them. It also makes us feel safe because we know what to expect from these memories in that acknowledgment and ultimately dealing with them is frightening.
I believe that people will gravitate towards what they know whether it is positive or negative to find a sense of security and solace. Unfortunately this stops us from ever finding true peace with our pasts or upbringing.
I tend to look at life as an experience of evolution, our own evolution as an individual, what I mean by this is that our experiences, good or bad are instrumental in our development as people. Our caregivers were also experiencing this evolution in their own way, dealing with their own “baggage” of unresolved issues perceived or otherwise.
I believe that part of moving forward and evolving as a person is to understand that the tools for this evolution may not have been available to our caregivers making them unaware of their affect on their children.
Moving forward is also dependent on understanding and forgiveness. Forgiveness unbridles us and relieves us of the responsibility that we may feel for the events of our upbringing. When we find forgiveness and are able to let go of fear, resentment and blame we will be able to carry on with our own journey of evolution, becoming better people, affecting others in a positive way that we meet along the way.
Hello Nick, thank you for providing such a comprehensive and thoughtful response. I sincerely appreciate the time and effort you've invested in sharing your insights. Your feedback resonates deeply with me, particularly your observation about the complexities faced by caregivers. Indeed, it's crucial to recognize that those in caregiving roles often navigate their own set of unique challenges. These individuals bring with them their personal histories, experiences, and, at times, unresolved issues or traumas. This acknowledgment adds an important layer of nuance to our understanding of childhood care and its long-term impacts. It reminds us that the dynamics of caregiving are rarely simple or one-dimensional, but rather a complex interplay of various factors and personal circumstances.
Thank you Gurdeep. It’s my pleasure to express my thoughts so that maybe someone who needs help will benefit from them.
You inspire me.
You are absolutely right. When I drove school bus, each student would get a good morning and a smile every morning no matter what. This might be the only time they would get one. We don't know what they have gone through at home the night before and that morning. I would find later that these students would open up to me about their homes and school .
situations. I was a stable ear . I never judged, just st listened. To this day I often wonder how these children who are now adults are coping. Expesially the ones who really needed help.
I read these reflections with eldercare in mind. My 95 year old special mom may not be needful in terms of development, and yet, who knows what her next journey will be. My wife and I are committing time to nurturing her aging soul in hopes that she will find peace in dying and we will find fulfillment in giving. Gurdeep's strategy applies to our task in so many ways. Using joy, hope, and positivity certainly is a powerful ally in life struggles (both the early and later years). I like to view curiosity as my friend as I prepare myself for my mother-in-law's big goodbye. I join Gurdeep in spirit as someone who shares thoughts, in hopes of inspiring the goodness in humankind.
Thank you, Mr. Thompson, for sharing such a heartfelt and inspiring reflection. Your approach to eldercare is truly beautiful and touching. The love, dedication, and positivity you and your wife are bringing to this challenging phase of life is admirable. Your perspective on using joy, hope, and curiosity as tools to navigate this journey is both wise and uplifting.
Your words serve as a reminder that at every stage of life, there is potential for growth, connection, and profound experiences. By sharing your thoughts, you are indeed inspiring goodness in others and demonstrating the transformative power of love and compassion. Thank you for this beautiful perspective on life, aging, and the enduring capacity of the human heart.
I feel a kinship to you Mr.P.! I'm so glad we are working from the same page.
Thanks Gurdeep. How we become who we are is complex and early care has such a powerful role . . . the paths we see but can't seem to get to, the detours and bonus places we've spent in places we'd like to forget, the process of lingering just long enough to understand but not kick us out of experiencing the gift of the present. I'm beginning DBT therapy and your post acknowledges benefits of dialectic thinking. . . acknowledging the truth as difficult and emotion filled as it can be AND finding resilience, hope, and joy in the life you have found despite these things. Again, I appreciate the deeply human voice you share out into the world.
Thank you for this essay as it hits particularly close to home. Not with my family, but with my brother’s. Because of his wife having mental health issues, it’s fallen to my brother to be the main caregiver of their two children. While he does the best he can, and he adores the kids, there are definitely signs of issues that were highlighted in your essay. I’ll be saving this one. Much love and thanks.
Beautifully written and so important. Thank you so much. ❤️
I love the last paragraph! It's such a perfect summary ❤️ thank you for this article..
Thank you for sharing such personal information about yourself. We are all closed books until we share part of ourselves with others. When we do it helps others to understand and appreciate us more as long as we are the kind of people who care. I had no idea that your early life was so difficult. It's funny how, when we don't know someone we assume their life must have been like ours or better. I see that you have had a longer and more challenging journey through your life than I have had. I consider myself very lucky in my life experience. My childhood wasn't perfect but I feel that I was loved and cared for and my parents did the best they could. I don't know why, in this life I've been so fortunate. I just hope it's not a rest and that my next life will be more difficult. Who knows. It's all about learning and growing spiritually. At least that's what I believe. It is so special encountering you online and getting inspiration and encouragement from someone like you. Thank you.
Thank you for your candid honesty and bravery in tackling a difficult subject. Many people struggle with the painful memories of a difficult childhood, myself included. I am having a difficult time working through it, and this article gives me concrete steps I can take to forgive myself and others.