When We're at Peace with Others Disliking or Judging Us, That Is Living Authentically
When we can smile in the face of disapproval, knowing our wings are spread exactly as they should be — that's when we've found real joy.
The constant pursuit of being liked by others can feel like an invisible prison that constrains our authentic selves. Indeed, this self-imposed confinement shapes many aspects of our daily existence. Throughout our lives, we find ourselves continuously attempting to win the approval of various people in our social circles — from close friends and family members to neighbours, community associates, professional colleagues, and the countless other connections we establish along our journey. We persistently engage in activities and behaviours specifically designed to garner their appreciation and validation.
While there is certainly nothing inherently wrong with striving for excellence in our endeavours and doing things so that others can appreciate us, the relentless and nonstop desire to please others can transform into metaphorical chains that bind us. These constraints manifest as psychological shackles, keeping our minds perpetually trapped in a cycle of seeking external validation, never truly finding contentment with our genuine selves or our natural state of being.
These strings of approval-seeking become golden chains, beautiful but binding. Like a masterful prison architect, we build our own magnificent cages — prestigious careers that don't fulfill us, relationships that don't fit us, lifestyles that drain us — all in pursuit of that sweetest of drugs: nonstop validation.
Consider how many of our life choices are influenced by this need for approval: we carefully craft our career paths to impress others, invest in increasingly luxurious homes and vehicles, meticulously curate our personal appearance, and continuously pursue achievements — all in service of gaining recognition and appreciation from others. The compromises we make in this pursuit can be subtle yet significant. These compromises can accumulate over time, growing increasingly substantial in their impact on our authentic selves.
While striving to do better is admirable, the constant urge to appeal to and please others can transform us into dependents of others' expectations. This is precisely why developing the ability to be comfortable with being disliked becomes such a valuable life skill. If you're living authentically and ethically — not engaging in harmful, illegal, or behavior that negatively impacts other people and the environment around us — but simply being true to yourself, then learning to accept others' disapproval becomes an essential part of personal freedom.
Speaking from personal experience, while I consistently aim to create meaningful and valuable content in my videos and articles, I fully understand that universal appreciation is impossible. There will always be people who disagree with or dislike my approach, and I've learned to find peace with that reality. When I encounter negative comments or criticism, I maintain my composure because I recognize that attempting to please every single person in existence would require sacrificing my authentic voice and genuine ideas. Such universal appeal would require an exhausting performance, a continuous dance of appeasement that ultimately leads to inauthentic expression.
This extends to personal relationships as well, particularly within family dynamics. Many people find themselves entering marriages or relationships they don't truly desire, solely to satisfy family expectations or societal pressures. Some people who genuinely prefer solitude feel compelled to seek partnerships just to demonstrate to their families, relatives, and community members that they're conforming to social norms. These decisions, made primarily to gain others' approval, often lead to deep regret and dissatisfaction. How many of us have watched friends march down aisles toward marriages they doubt, or pursue careers that slowly kill their spirit, all to maintain an image of "success" that others can applaud? The solitary soul who yearns for quiet finds themselves hosting parties they hate; the creative spirit who dreams of adventure settles for the safe corporate ladder — all because society's screenplay demands it.
Our society can indeed feel like a prison because it operates on a foundation of constant judgment. People will continue to evaluate and criticize regardless of the choices we make. Therefore, the key to genuine freedom lies in embracing authenticity and discovering joy in your unique path through life. This doesn't mean advocating for harmful behaviour or actions that negatively impact others — rather, it's about finding the courage to live genuinely while maintaining ethical boundaries.
The ultimate liberation comes from reaching a state where you can be disliked by others yet remain at peace with yourself, maintaining inner joy and contentment. This represents true freedom — the ability to live authentically while being completely at ease with who you are, regardless of external judgment or disapproval.
Let me share a moment that embodies this freedom of spirit. A few years ago, my friend Neetu Garcha, a journalist with Global News in Vancouver, and I spontaneously danced together at Iona Beach Park in Richmond, British Columbia — just for pure, uninhibited joy and self-expression beneath the open sky. Enjoy:
Freedom, real freedom, isn't about breaking all bonds — it's about choosing which ones truly matter. It's about understanding that being disliked isn't a failure; it's a natural consequence of being authentically human. Think of it as a superpower: the ability to stand in your truth while others disagree, to remain peaceful when faced with disapproval, to smile knowing that not everyone will understand your journey — and that's perfectly okay.
Yet here's the beautiful paradox: in a world that feels like a constant performance review, true liberation comes from stepping off the stage entirely. It's about recognizing that while the audience will always have opinions, you're not here to win their standing ovation. You're here to live your own story, write your own script, dance to your own rhythm.
Imagine a bird, soaring freely through the sky — not because everyone admires its flight path, but because it follows its own internal compass. That's true liberation: finding serenity in your authenticity, even when others might wish you'd fly differently. When you can smile in the face of disapproval, knowing your wings are spread exactly as they should be — that's when you've found real freedom and joy.
*****
Dear reader,
I've chosen to keep my articles free to ensure they remain accessible to everyone, regardless of their income. I don't wish to create barriers for those facing financial hardship. If you have stable employment and a steady income, though, I trust you'll read my articles as a paid subscriber.
If you can, write your thoughts in the comments below.
Cheerfully,
Gurdeep
Great post! Thanks for sharing with us. I love the authentic joy and happiness your spread. I aspire to be more like you, and to think less of what people think of me.
When I first started reading your posts, I asked what is joy, and how to find it. Slowly and with your insights I have begun to realize it’s inside me, my approach to life, its problems and its goodness. I am slowly weaning off social media, or perhaps I should say, curating my feed. Honestly there are a lot of poisonous people out there, and while we can’t avoid them all, learning more about ourselves is a start to not letting their poison infect us. Does that make any sense? Thanks again.